Seeking His face...

I woke up to the wailing of my son this morning.  I know that sound.  I know exactly where to find him.  Hovering.  Crying.  Begging.  My heart sinks.  As he flushes away sickness my heart wants desperately to flush away self-pity and fear rising within.  It is early and I am already so exhausted from too many late nights.  My hubby is out of town so he has to ride with us to school and so we pack him and the bucket.  And he needed it.  We pull back in the driveway and the wailing comes again.  He can barely choke out "mo…m" in the midst.  I choke out "Je..sus" as I climb the stairs to meet his needs, asking Him to meet mine. He whispers to me the reminder that I am serving the least of these FOR HIM.  As I climb back down the stars I am weighing myself down with self-pity and whining.  "But Lord, we were all just sick for over a week--only a week ago.  I always catch it.  I'm so tired.  My husband's not here.  I am weak Lord."  He replies to my heart simply but profoundly, "Yes, child, you are weak but I am very strong.  I am enough for you!"

 I have a choice to make.  I can drown myself in self-pity and anxiety or I can go to the Lord and seek His face, let Him fill me with love, grace, and strength.  In Ann Voskamp's new book, The Greatest Gift, she writes, "the answer to deep anxiety is the deep adoration of God.  And the greatest gift we can give our great God is to let His love make us glad."  The circumstances of my life do not dictate my gladness or my joy.  I pray that His love alone will make me glad.  I pray that today as I disinfect my home from the ugly bugs that seek to make chaos of our bodies that the Lord will continue to disinfect  my heart.  To sanctify me.  Rid me of my own ugly bugs of sinfulness and unbelief.

 I am in the midst of a beautiful and holy season awaiting the coming of Christ.  My sin is covered in beautiful, ravishing grace because the baby boy born of the virgin's womb was born to die.  The Christmas story which began in Genesis chapter one is calling me, inviting me in and reminding me of the amazing love story I am woven into.  Hallelujah!  So for now I will thank Him.  Adore Him.  Stand in awe at His love letter to me.  His love story FOR me.  So as the wailing comes and the crying out today, I will lean in.  Lean on.  I will hover too.  Over the Word.  And I will recall over and over that He is hovering over me with His love, His strength, His sufficiency.  My Great Shepherd will give me everything I need today to shepherd and care for the flock He has entrusted to me.

Hallelujah!

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! 

  You have said, "Seek my face."  

My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek."  

Hide not your face from me.  

Psalm 27:7-9